Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I'm Killing My Family One Pan of Paella at a Time

Welcome SITS Sisters. Don't forget to visit my main page for a chance to win one of my aprons.

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That title is not exactly accurate because I've never actually cooked paella, but you have to admit that "I'm killing my family one pan of chipped beef at a time" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Agreed?

The potentially dangerous situation lurks in this pan:

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It's a very nice, large non-stick pan. It wasn't cheap and when I bought it my plan was to tuck it in a box in my closet and save it for "the retirement". It's very similar to the practice of keeping a hope chest and based on the fact that I'm hoping to retire. That plan seemed pretty stupid on second thought and I needed something really big for that chipped beef.

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The problem comes in with my inability to stick to the rules in regards to non-stick cookware. You know.....you need to use those special plastic utensils. I can follow the rules if it involved spoons or those pasta fork thingies, but I draw the line at spatulas. Those plastic spatulas just don't have enough oomph to them. When I try to get under those boneless pork chops they bend instead of scrape.

I've tried, really I've tried. But I always resort to my old favorite. A wood handled metal spatula. My best friend in the kitchen, next to my wooden spoons.

If I'm to believe the scientific evidence we're all in danger. Of course they fail to mention that you'd need to eat a railroad car full of the errant shavings from the bottom of this pan in order to trigger something bad. How do I know? I'm living proof.

I drank an ocean full of TAB in the 70's and have lived to tell about it!

And yes, that's butter in the pan, because everyone knows that chipped beef starts with a really good roux, and really good roux starts with butter.

If I could figure out how to tag my stories and categorize them, this would be under the "Bad Wife & Mommy" heading.


NOTE: The Farmer came into my office the other day. I have a list of potential story ideas written on a big sheet of freezer paper behind my desk. He was scanning down the list and came to something that read "I'm killing my family....". He got pretty worried, thinking it involved a plot to grab insurance money and head for Tahiti. Nah, he should know my plans are never that ambitious!

72 comments:

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

Poor farmer! I am sure you've given him plenty of opportunities to worry. :D

I know what you mean...if we were to believe everything that the Chicken Littles tell us, we'd not bother to crawl out of bed every morning.

Gee, I still miss TAB.

Abbie said...

Hi Suzanne!
Ha! One of my 'no stick' pans is peeling so badly it might as well be "Burgers with a side of Teflon" for dinner!
This week I am actually going on a hunt for a couple of great cast iron or stainless steel fryihng pans. Bring on th butter!
xoxo~
Abbie

Abbie said...

Oh good grief. The Grammar Nazi and Typo Nazi are going to put in front of the firing line!
;) I'm sorry Paula! I'm tryin'!

BittersweetPunkin said...

I no longer have no stick pans...I totally ruin them....
Have a great day!

PamKittyMorning said...

Your official crappy commenter (which by the way I love) had to break out the comment box to say, I have the pickiest family on earth and I have made paella and they like it.

Not that it has much to do with your story or butter but I do love a metal spatula.

The Barber Bunch said...

Just surfin' the blogs and stopped by for a visit.

Great Blog!

Carolyn

Paula Bauer said...

Heh heh, not to worry Abbie...I promise to unsheath my red pen only on those who request it. You are safe from me.

Speaking of which, I'm going to do a bit of gee-enning now (I coined my own verb for G.N. behavior)
Did you really mean a 'special place utensil' ...or was that supposed to be plastic? :)
(Apart from a few run-on sentences joined by 'and' without the requisite comma, that was the only thing I noted.)

On to the substance of your post:
I am trying to purge my kitchen of teflon...guess I bought into the chicken littles. But I recently received a wok and seasoned it repeatedly with pork fat. It now looks teflon-coated from the burned-on fat and works like a dream! Like Abbie, I've decided to get a large cast-iron frying pan and will season it the same way. It involves high heat, a smoke-filled house, and a very disgruntled family, but I think it was worth it in the end!

G.N. signing off.

C.C. said...

Well, if it isn't non-stick coating, it's something else. I was so proud of myself for finally buying Nalgene water bottles only to find out that they are now on the list of "things that can kill us"! Keep on making that chipped beef!

Mary said...

I love the title of this post! Here's my take on the whole thing: "That which does not kill us only makes us stronger." I forget where that is from -- is it something terrifically literary, or is it from Conan the Barbarian?
xoxo,
Mary

Suzanne said...

Vee - Yes the poor farmer's got alot more to worry about than meets the eye! You'd love the fact that I have a little wooden sign right here on my computer that a dear friend gave to me. It says, "Chicken Little Was Right"

Abbie - There you are. I've been missing you. I have seasoned iron pans that I love but they're not large enough. You've given me a great idea because I'm going to replace this danger with a stainless steel one. I can't get into too much trouble with that.

Punkin - Oh, I'm glad you've switched because I wouldn't want you to be stuck in the "Bad-Wife/Mommy" category with me.

PamKitty - You are so funny! You've never commented so much as you have after the official announcement. Too funny. Now go back and sit in the corner.

Carolyn - Please come back. We're harmless I promise you. And we'll be very lenient for the first 10 comment postings.

Paula - Thanks, I've already corrected that place/plastic blip. And just in time before anyone else saw it. Run-on sentences are going to be the death of me. We should have a contest where we enter a run-on sentence that we've found in a piece of fine literature. There have been some whoppers in the books that I've read. Honestly, I remember thinking, these professionals shouldn't be engaging in this type of bad behavior. As far as apostrophes and commas are concerned, they have always vexed me. I tend to place a comma where I would take a breath when speaking. The problem lies that I can talk a blue streak without taking a breath! Seasoning a pan is an art form and it appears that you have the process down pat. Tell your family to relax.

C.C. - I'm not a big fan of plastic. The Other Mother actually washes zip-lock bags. I try to explain to her that they are low-grade plastic which is not intended to be used again and again, but to no avail.

Mary - I believe that's true although I don't know where the adage originated. Someone should know, maybe Paula. Paula, are you there?

Rue said...

Hi Suzanne :)

See... I knew you deserved that award, cuz I'm sitting here laughing LOL

I can just imagine your poor husband's face when he read that! hehehehe...

Have a great night,
rue :)

BumbleVee said...

I just bought my last non stick pan... it has a lifetime warranty and is not Teflon coated.. It is beautiful! says you can use metal utensils but I won't do that ..... I have a great heavy duty plastic tipped Lagostina that I bought at Canadian tire for about 8 bucks. Sturdy and great looking to boot.
Swiss Diamond non stick pan

Givinya De Elba said...

Loved your list of blogging ideas. Shudder to think how my list would read. The last few days would have been: SITS commenting competition, snot, admission of guilt, failing to yell at the government, and one trillion toys. Scary.

Sheri said...

Glad to know I'm not the only one that ignores the rules on the pan! :-) And, butter is the basis for ANY good meal!

Anonymous said...

So, everyone's worried about the teflon, hey. What about the BUTTER!!!! I just realised that I must be channelling my mum because I myself don't worry about butter. I don't have teflon stuff basically due to my love of metal implements - so I'm with you on that.

Tricia said...

Just stopped by from SITS.

Nan said...

I love those non stick pans for like the firs time, because I have to use my metal spatula! Here from SITS

EmBee said...

I live near DuPont where they make the non-stick stuff... So I not only scrape it out of my pans but we all get to breath it on a regular basis too... This post got me thinking that this must be why I'm developing that third eye? :-D

Vicki said...

Butter can make anything taste good, even if it has cell-mutating shavings in it :)

Stephanie said...

Stopped by from SITS. Love your blog and LOVE David Gray. I first started listening to him as my husband and I were falling in love with each other. I have him on my blog as well!

Shelley said...

I am trying to kill all of my non stick cookware...one pan at a time. Then I will have a good excuse to go buy all new stuff!!!
The chipped beef sounds good...you should post the recipe!!
Love your blog~
Shelley
www.wildnoodles.blogspot.com

Angie said...

I'm over visiting from SITS and can totally relate to this meal with a side of non-stick coating! Enjoying your blog and congrats on being featured today!

Tara R. said...

Never underestimate the power of a nice chunk of butter. TAB.... yumm.

(via SITS)

Amy said...

Great blog! I'm checking it out thru SITS.
Butter is great to cook with, heck we only live once, might as well ejoy, right?

Have a great weekend!

Kat said...

Oh, the joys of Tab and flaked off non-stick pans. I agree...there is nothing that quite works with that. But I am going to stick with "honey, we need a new set of pans...these have dangerous shavings coming off of them." Shhhh...don't tell him about the railroad car...

angie said...

I'm so in love with butter for cooking. I'm intrigued by your blog. Can't wait to browse around.

Ashley said...

Everything is killing us. Teflon, BPA, the air we breath. I do use the non-stick pans and hard anodized pans with both plastic and metal utensils. I think we'll all live, yes.

Jenni said...

I used to have non-stick pans that I tried not to scratch. Then my mother in law visited and whipped mashed potatoes WHILE IN THE PAN! If you think a spatula scaps, wait until you see what an electric beater will do! It looked like I had heavily peppered the potatoes! YUCK!

I ditched the pans for a shiny new set without teflon.

-Bridget said...

Bah! The stick of butter in every recipe will get you long before the teflon will. But what is life without butter? Not worth living in my book.

Dr. Atkins spent his whole life eating healthy, avoiding sugar, processed food, and carbs. It didn't stop his demise. He slipped and fell on ice on a sidewalk instead. Now I'm positive he's somewhere up in heaving thinking, "Darn I wish I'd had a twinkie."

I say life like the way you want-- Teflon and metal spatulas, TAB, butter and all.

Debbie said...

I have such issues with non-stick, too. I have one tiny pan left in which to make an egg, if I should so desire. I still screw it up every time.

Melissa said...

Been married 10 years and been through 5 non-stick skillets.....wonder what that means? I guess I should "up" our NY Life....:)
Love the music on your site. Very calming....see you soon!

Melanie said...

All of my non-stick is currently stick because I hate said rubber spatulas!!!

Amy said...

Great Post! It is a little scary IF you sit down long enough to think about it...with the pans..mine are the same way!

Rhea said...

My plastic spatulas are falling apart. My pans are seriously abused. My kids think I'm trying to kill them daily.

I think I can join you in worst mommyland. hehe

It's good for them, right? Makes em stronger.

Karen said...

Here from SITS !!

Hi, I'm Karen and I abuse teflon covered pans.

I prefer my cast iron frypans anyway. I have a really big one which handles the times I have to do big family style cooking.

BTW, that quote from Mary, is from Friedrich Nietzsche, one of my favourite quoters. Another of my favourites from him is 'Is not life a 1000 times to short for us to bore ourselves.'

Karen said...

I actually heard that butter is better for you than marjarine- or maybe I dreamt that!
Oh well, food just turns out better with butter- well you know what I mean!

Tracy P. said...

Seriously. I would tag this "Life is too short..."

That cracked me up about the farmer.

Jessica said...

ahh yes, I'm the same way. those plastic ones just doesn't do it. I love my metal ones. Visiting from SITS.

Cray and Bickford Family said...

I have given up on non-stick. Just frustrates me!

I hope the farmer isn't sleeping with one eye open!

Tausha said...

you are funny! You know that they have plastic spatulas a t the dollar store?

I am a little young to have tasted Tab. Sorry?

What did it excatly taste like?

Found you via sits!! Rock on sister!

Jennifer said...

I'm convinced non-stick doesn't exist. I heart wooden spoons too.

Kacey said...

Chipped beef...my Mom used to make that ALL the time when we were kids. We would eat it over mashed potatoes or Texas toast. So yummy!

Nichole Jolene said...

panned over from SITS i also have an expensive pan ($150 which may not compare with yours) and i've ruined it in 2 years. not really a great non stick anymore. do eggs cook without sticking in ANY pan?

Sherri said...

I have a list too!! I should follow it more so I don't end up with 50 posts again next month.

Melissa Lester said...

I just popped over from SITS. You have such a charming blog. Can't wait to read more!

Mama Dawg said...

Came here via SITS. Gonna go check out some more blogs.

Swirl Girl said...

what's a little teflon when you're using a stick of butter and a up of white flour??

very funny

Talisman said...

You rebel! Ok, I use metal stuff on my non-stick pans too... AND I put them in the dishwasher! THE HORROR!! THE HORROR!! *gasps*

Neurotically Yours: said...

I love cream chipped beef!

Congrats on being the featured blogger :)

Mommy Meryl said...

Ok - only 2 questions from a nice Jewish girl who lives in AZ:

1) What is chipped beef? and 2) what in the world is roux?

although I totally get your pain about the directions and non-stick cookware! I'm with you!

Kimba said...

Mmmmmmm...Chipped beef. My dad use to love it an I always thought it was gross, until I tasted it.

4 under 4 said...

I LOVE chipped beef on toast, we call is SOS or "poop" on a shingle!!!!!!

Kimberly said...

Haha! Too funny. I love butter in my cooking, there is just no adequate substitute if you ask me!

Kara said...

The little note at the end: hilarious!

Caroline said...

I have burned the non-stick off a pan and contemplated still using it. I decided not to since we have a small child and I'm already going to screw him up enough anyway, he doesn't need more help from teflon.

Missy said...

Happy SITS day! Apparently I've been living under a rock, because I wasn't aware that there were any special rules pertaining to non-stick cookware! Maybe this is why my husband has a 3rd arm? (:
I bet you allowed your children to drink from the outdoor water hose, too, you rebel!

Carolina Girl said...

GREAT post! Congrats on being a SITS feature blogger! :)

Michelle said...

Wait wait wait. REALLY good roux starts with butter? ALL roux starts with butter. I can't even conceived of any roux without butter, and I don't think I want to know about a world that has such a roux :)

Congrats on being featured -- yes, I'm a SITS girl!

Angela said...

I love that you have a paper with story ideas jotted down--you are one serious blogger.

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

Very funny. I think we will all agree that we would rather use the good 'ole, trutsy metal spatula.

Mamasphere said...

I worry about the exact same thing, because I said to hell with the plastic a long time ago! My poor family.

Therese said...

Visiting from SITS! I am so with you on the non-stick pan...

Jennifer H said...

Here from SITS.

Ah, butter. You had me at butter. (Okay, way before that, because your blog design is gorgeous.

Judy Haley said...

or butter. you could have just said you were killing your family with butter.

Mar said...

Hi! Found you thru SITS and love your site design. So pretty. I kept hoping you'd show us what chipped beef was lol... since I have no clue! Off to read more.

Sunshine said...

I loooooove your blog! I'm sooo adding you to my bloggie, girl! I grew up on chipped beef (gotta love my daddy)and toast! It was a staple.

I LOVE the running list of blog ideas too...and yes, it is a GREAT title.

And I'm not trying to BUTTER you up or anything. I mean it. :)

Happy SITS day!

Gina said...

Don't worry, I have several plots to kill my husband, too. ;-)
I want to be the next Agatha Christie.
I'm glad to see REAL butter melting in a pan!!!
Yum, chipped beef- haven't had that forever... on toast with peas??

AFRo said...

Congratulations on being the featured blogger! Sorry I'm late to the party, but better late than never.

Nicole said...

Sorry to be so late. Congrats on being the featured blogger. Love the look of you blog it is so cute. Yea, I've ruined more then one nonstick pan. Ya know, you do what you gotta do to get the meal made right!

Monogramchick said...

I too am late, but I love your blog! What great design!
I have that wonderful frying pan too...I even used a metal fork one time! :)

WheresMyAngels said...

I was so happy to see Tab in the stores again last year, only to find out that it ain't Tab the diet soda, but it's Tab the new energy Crap drink. I miss TAB!

Kristinia - Loving Heart Mommy

said...

Found you from SITS:

They sell TAB here I'll have to try it out now, I've never had it before!

Yeah the No stick pans are a toughy.. I always end up using metal spatulas and then my hubby has the cow.. LOL But I'm "careful"... I am the one who cooks the most in this house!