Thursday, May 15, 2008

Easy Break Coconuts

I walked into the food store the other day and there was a big display of something called "E-Z Break Coconuts". Seriously, this is the stupidest thing I ever heard of. They've taken coconuts and scored a line around the center using some type of power tool making it easier to break open.

Don't they know that a intact coconut is the best thing since Prozac?

When your family has gotten on your last nerve you can drive to the local food store and pick up a coconut or two, depending on your level of stress and anger. Now the fun can begin.

The first thing you do is squeeze the coconut in the vice bolted to your husband's work bench and proceed to attack it with a power drill. Yeah, right in those three coconut eye sockets. Drill, drill, drill. Make lots of noise. Scream if you want because you're neighbors will instantly know EXACTLY what you're up to. At this point you can drain all the coconut milk into that Tom Collins glass that you've prepared with two shots of gin, a wedge of lime and a basil leaf for garnish. It's a concoction I call, "Pit Bull on Crack".

With all the coconut milk drained we get to the main event.........beating the hell out of the coconut with a hammer.

With the E-Z Break coconut the experience just isn't the same. One hit and the party's over.

NOTE: I'm not really here. This is only the cyber-me posting. I'm vacuuming and cleaning refrigerator's at my daughter's new apartment. You stuff. Leave me a comment anyway, I'll need the cheering up when I get back online. Hooray for Blogger's new scheduling post feature. Sorry that you have to listen to the same music for three days. Turn it off 'cause I don't know how to!


bridgette said...

I like the coconut trick. So, give me an update on the wallpaper in the daughters closet. What was the verdict? Be glad she moved out, mine won't budge! PS, I wear red shoes.

Anonymous said...

You are such a hoot Suzette. I am sitting here reading this blog you wrote today and I am hysterical laughing outloud to myself. Especially when you went to the doctor and had to go to the bathroom to give a specimen..I can so relate to this!!!!! Not only do I fold the corners of the toilet paper but I give a quick spray the air freshener. I love your blogs!!!! I think you are a pisser!!!! (oops, pardon the pun!!)
Fresh Meadows, NY

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

Laughing my head off over here! You've found your voice, my dear, if it was ever lost.

Hope that the cleaning is lots of fun. Catch you later...

BittersweetPunkin said...

When my DD had a Hawaiian luau birthday party we had a game of Hawaiian bowling...we used a coconut as the bowling ball and some pineapples as the was a huge hit!

I was disappointed when they changed the Pillsbury slice and back cookies to already sliced cookies...I mean how hard is it to cut cookies from a log of dough? Apparently too much for some people!
Have a great day.....

Doreen said...

You cracked me up with this post!!! Love your drink, I will have to try it for sure.

Love your eye glasses!

This was my first visit here...I will definately be back again.

Take care,

Arlene said...

ok, gotta say I hadn't thought of using a coconut to relieve stress. I've thumped a lot of innocent bread dough over the years though. Problem is that I live in a town with one small grocery store - that doesn't offer coconuts very often. Suppose if I would buy one for "emergencies" that it would keep for very long???
Fermented coconut milk anyone???

Janet said...

I think you are a super mom for helping with your daughter's new home. When we rented a house in 1978, and discovered it had a serious roach problem (not seen during the pre-lease signing visit), first thing I did was call my mom and scream for help.

Hooray for moms everywhere.


Suzanne said...

Brigette - Check out my post tomorrow. We'll discuss the wallpaper. Hey, I've only got one kid out so don't get so envious. WOO HOO...Red Shoes!!!

MK - I love the pun, no need to pardon it. I'm so glad I'm not alone in my compulsions!! Please come back and visit again.

Vee - I don't know what a morning would be without Vee. It would be without sunshine that's for sure.

Punkin - That game sounds like fun I'm going to file it in my "Martha Party Ideas" file. They're preslicing slice-and-bake cookies now? Oh gosh, I can't remember if I've ever bought those things. I don't think so. See what I'm missing!!

Doreen - Please visit again. I had a great friend named Doreen who seemed to have slipped through the cracks, so I need another one to take her place! And please, just remember to be seated when you drink the Pit Bull on Crack, OK?

Arlene - I've pounded my share of bread dough also. The coconut is reserved for those really bad events. I think you could get someone else to clean up the fermented coconut milk. Or perhaps there's an traditional Hawaiian recipe for a licquer made from the same.

Janet - What I didn't tell her is that the last time I was there I killed three large spiders. I was simply because the place has been closed up for awhile.

Thanks everyone for visiting.

Robyn said...

"Pitbull on crack" sounds rather delish!

Admin said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and I'm so glad I did. Your "Pit Bull on Crack" recipe is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Just a quick comment. I keep easy break coconuts here at the car dealership for my Hindu customers to preform their blessing ceremonies.

Ana Tolentino said...

I like the coconut trick. So, give me an update on the wallpaper in the daughters closet. What was the verdict? Be glad she moved out, mine won't budge! PS, I wear red shoes.