Have you seen the yard butts? They’re wood cutouts painted to look like a woman (or man) bending over pulling weeds or working in the garden.
They’re prevalent around here, usually in areas with older residents. You’ll see them alongside “Our Lady of the Bathtubs”, pink flamingos and garden gnomes. I don’t have any objection to them, I just choose not to use them as ornamentation in my garden.
Imagine my surprise recently at a neighborhood cocktail party. I’ll admit that I'd already had a martini and was feeling a light buzz when my neighbor approached me and engaged in conversation.
“I really don’t mind those yard butt decorations,” she offered.
“They’re OK,” I answered.
I was hedging here because I’m not always sure where people are going with this kind of thing. Perhaps she’d just installed an entire army of yard butts. I didn’t want to offend her taste so I was non-committal.
“Well, I was wondering,” she continued, “why do you keep moving it around?”
“Moving what around?” I asked.
“Your yard butt. It’s just that every time I drive down that road you’ve moved it to another spot.”
The martini was kicking in big time and I was in a fog. Yard butts? I haven’t got any stinking yard butts on my property.
In a momentary lapse back into lucidity I realize……
THE OTHER MOTHER!!!!
She’s been seeing The Other Mother bent over in our yard, doing her gardening!
I’ll lay claim to the fact that I have the country’s first LIVING YARD BUTT!!!
I’d like to see Martha top that one.