Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Hey Neighbor, About That Yard Butt

Have you seen the yard butts? They’re wood cutouts painted to look like a woman (or man) bending over pulling weeds or working in the garden.

They’re prevalent around here, usually in areas with older residents. You’ll see them alongside “Our Lady of the Bathtubs”, pink flamingos and garden gnomes. I don’t have any objection to them, I just choose not to use them as ornamentation in my garden.

Imagine my surprise recently at a neighborhood cocktail party. I’ll admit that I'd already had a martini and was feeling a light buzz when my neighbor approached me and engaged in conversation.

“I really don’t mind those yard butt decorations,” she offered.

“They’re OK,” I answered.

I was hedging here because I’m not always sure where people are going with this kind of thing. Perhaps she’d just installed an entire army of yard butts. I didn’t want to offend her taste so I was non-committal.

“Well, I was wondering,” she continued, “why do you keep moving it around?”

“Moving what around?” I asked.

“Your yard butt. It’s just that every time I drive down that road you’ve moved it to another spot.”


The martini was kicking in big time and I was in a fog. Yard butts? I haven’t got any stinking yard butts on my property.
In a momentary lapse back into lucidity I realize……


She’s been seeing The Other Mother bent over in our yard, doing her gardening!

I’ll lay claim to the fact that I have the country’s first LIVING YARD BUTT!!!

I’d like to see Martha top that one.


Vickie said...

oh my goones I nearly splurted my cooffee at the mintor reading this way funny thanks for the giggle,
cheers Vickie

Mary said...

Oh Lord, I'm busting a gut here, laughing so loud!

Anonymous said...

That is so funny - you started my day with a laugh - that has to be a good thing. Brenda

Jerusalem said...

that is too funny! ha!

Arlene said...

Please, please say that you didn't tell Other Mother about this??? Speaking as an Other Mother, I would hate to know that someone thought *I* was one of those Yard Butts!!! Prolly look like one though!! LOL

Paula said...

That was a good laugh-out-loud !!!!

Hi! I found you via Corey Amaro.

Fun blog, I'll be back often !!!

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

Oh dear heavens, I need a screen guard if this keeps up. Suzanne, here's a way to earn more money for retirement...write a book!

Vintage Indie said...


GemStateMom said...

I admit, I totally did not see this one coming until the end. Thanks for the laugh!

lifeinredshoes said...

Luckily the only butt in my yard is MINE!!! There is no mistaking mine for a wood cutout, too damn big. In these parts neighbors have moved on to shiny hanging whirly-gigs. Tacky and a bit hypnotic.

Sand Flat Farm said...

That is too funny!!!!!! We have a few farmer DAD yard butts around our area, too. At least it's more fair! Great laugh! Vickie

Suzanne said...

Vickie - You're welcome for the giggle. What you don't realize is that I get a kickback from the computer keyboard industry.

Mary - I'm thinking of you with the upcoming Red Alert Event. Trying to keep your humor level up.

Brenda - It IS a good thing. Laughter is the best way to begin and end a day.

Jerusalem - There you are!! Don't you be teasing me with references to Sonic!

Arlene - I didn't tell the Other Mother. She's so in love with her gardening it wouldn't matter anyway.

Paula - I'm glad you stopped over here after you visited Corey. She's usually my first read of the day. Got to start the day out right you know.

Vee - Literally, I could write SEVERAL books. One entirely on my years working for GAG MART.

Vintage Indie - Glad you visited.

Paula - I love plot twists, don't you?

Red Shoes - Oh, they have the twirly-gigs around here too. There's no shortage on tacky in this area.

Vickie - We see very few dad butts but I don't know why.

Thanks everyone for visiting with me today.

Rue said...


Kelly said...

snark!!! awesome. Just awesome.

KatKit13 said...

OMGOSH, I'm ROLLING HERE. Rolling. Such an inelegant snorting...


(and for the record, I have the Other Mother's twin on the opposite side of my backyard fence)