Sunday, August 30, 2009

Stale Stories - Day Five

The Farmer and I are on vacation. I would never want to leave you without something to read and therefore I'm offering you Stale Stories in my absense.

This is a story entitled, "Death by Underwire". It was originally published on April 21, 2008.

Time is running out for me. Each day I'm living under borrowed time. Unfortunately recent events have dictated that I will need to go shopping soon. Have you ever heard of life-saving shopping trips?

What precipitated this emergency was that fact that in the last couple of weeks my final two bras suffered severe equipment failure. Let's just say that I was running the risk of being front page news.


Over the years I've graduated from training bra to sexy bra, to nursing bra and finally the precision engineered underwire model. That's quite a journey. I simplified the matter a couple of years ago when I stumbled upon a well fitting design. I'd buy up two in every color and be done with the matter for awhile. But then disaster struck. The manufacturer quit making the style and also adjusted their sizing. My plan was shot to bits and I was back at square one.

I was thinking of calling The Mother for advice. She worked in the lingerie department of a snooty high-end department store for awhile. As part of her duties she was required to fit bras. I really don't want to know what that task entails. It sure doesn't sound like anything I'd like to do, but I thought that perhaps she might have some suggestions on how to get a good bra that fits. This is certainly something I should know at this point in my life, but hey, I was off raising the next generation of responible adults.

A quick search on Dogpile reveals that there's something in the lingerie world called a "balconette" bra. I come from the generation that only had a few types of bras, either the cotton granny-type bra or the Dixie cup pointy bra.

I was left dumbounded as to what a balconette might be. Unfortunately my "girls" would never sit on a balcony and due to gravity they'll be sitting in the orchestra pit.

Wonders never cease. Not only is there a balconette bra, there's a Lingerie Glossary to explain the terms to all of us unenlightened folks. And seriously, I thought I knew it all.

There are M#rry Widows (gotta be careful how you spell these things because the naughty b0ys search this stuff) and Teddiette's. Who knew?

Trust me, I will get this situation under control, and hopefully before I'm mortally wounded.

I might even find something in black!

In the tradition of our local paper, the newspaper story above contains a typo. Can you find it?


Jenni said...

I spotted the typo right away. The woman was "stabby".

I hope you've found some new bras by now! I have a few underwire bras, but the wire is really not necessary and never will be. Something to be thankful for? That's a new way of looking at it, I suppose.

Karen Deborah said...

your stale stories are pretty good stuff.

Diva Kreszl said...

Oh my how I laughed over your post today...I have always hated bras, something that harkens back to my 70's bra buring days I guess. As my bust size continues to grow after menopause (a big chest is something I no longer desire) I find bras to be even more would a man like to wear a jock strap all day???

Susan said...

A proof reader by desire and career, 'stabby' jumped out immediately. Love the humor in your post.

BittersweetPunkin said...

I always rip out the bothers me..... maybe that's the reason why my "girls" are getting closer to my waist.....LOL

Lawyer Lynn said...

Also a tradition in our local paper here in Oregon; I saw the "stabby" right off, too. Suzanne, you were a journalist for years, right? Why is their copy editing so bad? Short time lines? Bad eyes?

Louise said...

Must got to lingerie glossary to find out what these things are!

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