Stale Stories - Day Two

The Farmer and I are on vacation. I would never want to leave you without something to read and therefore I'm offering you Stale Stories in my absense.

This is a story entitled, "Towada Lives". This was originally published on January 28, 2008. Raise your hand if you recognize yourself.



There's a phrase that I often use when women are lamenting the fact that they're turning fifty or when they're having a meltdown or a mini-meltdown.

"At 50 the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned any longer." - Erica Jong

This quote speaks to that moment when you brain just snaps. It's when your child asks you if you got the grass stains out of the field hockey uniform, or when your husband forgets to tell you that he's invited 12 co-workers for dinner on Saturday night.

It's the Towanda moment from Fried Green Tomatoes. It's the epiphany, the tipping point.

You feel as if hot lava is rising in your soul, not realizing that there is hot lava rising. Did you forget about menopause?

You turn and look and everyone instantly shakes with fear at the crazy sparkle in your eyes.

"Everybody outta the pool", you hollar. At this point you grab your handbag and run to the nearest Curves to sign up for their special offer. And then you head over to Starbucks for a Pumpkin Latte. The teenager barista fears for his life as he tries to explain that Pumpkin Latte is only a seasonal offering.

"OK, well give me anything with chocolate."

Sometime later you return home and your family is standing around like deer in the headlights.

Their eyes dart back and forth and someone whispers, "What happened to mom?"

She got possessed. She got religion. She got into the voodoo juju juice.

No. That's not it. It's very simple really. Mom turned fifty and the madwoman was let loose!