Thursday, April 10, 2008

An Optimist with Sahara Sand Luggage

When we arrived at the airport on the first leg of our cruise vacation last year our neighbor Ted looked at us like we had three heads. Ted was a seasoned world traveler, circling the globe many times over in his career as an electronics engineer.

"Who buys beige luggage???" he asked.

I for one was lost for words. All I could muster up was, "An optimist".

It seemed like a good idea when we were standing in Target. Maybe they were using trick lights in the store. I see now they're referring to it as "Olive Green".....trust me, it's beige.

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The old black Wal-Mart set had given out and we felt we were moving-on-up in the world of luggage.

Two hours later in the Fort Lauderdale airport we retrieved our matched set of "Sahara Sand", which now looked more like "Back-Forty-Pasture". I avoided Ted's gaze as he chuckled knowingly under his breath....."Heh, heh, heh..."

After the cruise I grabbed a scrub brush and some wonder-spray-product sold on late-night TV. I sprayed, I scrubbed and soon the cases were looking fresh and renewed. The unfortunate truth is that each time we travel I'm slave to the luggage again.

So here we are again. The Farmer had returned from a week in South Carolina to find that the airlines had lost his luggage. Jimmy the taxi driver impatiently drove around the airport while the Farmer filled out the necessary paperwork. He was upset. I, on the other hand was thrilled!! Lost luggage! No scrubbing. Compensation for imaginary Armani suits! Hey, this could be a sign of good things to come. We could count on the airlines to lose that Sahara Sand matched set....one piece at a time! And we could get a new wardrobe.

And then this.....

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The prodigal case found it's way off flight 121 and found itself summarily dumped in our kitchen. Curses, foiled again.

This scene is much, much worse than it looks. It's a domestic environmental disaster waiting to happen. Think about it for a moment. A week's worth of your husband's dirty laundry, locked in a confined space for FIVE DAYS!! My mind raced....how could I avoid opening this thing? What could I find in the garage that would allow me to unpack the contents from a safe distance? Barbecue tongs?

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No, I'd have to throw them in the trash afterwards. It was at this point that the solution came to me. It was Tuesday night. I was leaving early Wednesday morning. I would simply "forget" about the case and return on Thursday evening to find that the disaster had been dealt with. Why? Because The Other Mother would never miss an opportunity to do laundry. Moms are just like that. The Mother would do the same in this situation.

The plan worked. Well, almost.

For some bizarre reason the farmer had neatly folded his dirty clothes and placed them in the suitcase. For some equally bizarre reason The Other Mother believed that these neatly folded clothes were clean. And so they were hanging in his closet this morning! The dead giveaway was.....THE SMELL.

But all is well. I stayed away from home, "just long enough". Sometimes I live a very charmed life.

I don't however, feel lucky enough to open his underwear drawer!

Quote of the day:
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything you gave me." - Erma Bombeck

49 comments:

Cote de Texas said...

haha!!! good luck with the new luggage - your blog is so interesting!!

Thank you so much for your comment on Cote de Texas.

PamKittyMorning said...

That my dear, was hilarious!

Tara said...

Hee hee! So funny! Smelly stuff and a slightly beat up suitcase!

:)
Tara

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

Counting on you to provide a laugh works like a charm every time!

Now I can't wait to hear about the trip with your mom and sister!

PamKittyMorning said...

Hey, that suitcase picture reminds me about some expensive luggage where my daughter works. She's at a high end luxury luggage and purse store. Anyway they came out with a tan suitcase and for some reason it didn't sell. Mostly because well, who would buy a tan suitcase that would get dirty. So their new campaign to sell this luggage is that after used, it begins to show the 'history' of your life and travels. So I guess you have a bag there with some history.

Suzanne said...

Thanks everyone for commiserating with me!

Vee - I'm your humor slave. HA.

PamKitty - Yes! That's it. I'll tout the fact that it just shows our travel history. The orangish stain means Georgia!!

Sheri said...

I'm also slave to the guy that loses my luggage. I've discovered thrift store baggage . . . so what if they lose it?? Good stuff!!

Nan said...

newluggage would have been fun...and black too!

EmBee said...

Thanks for this... Because we've been in the market for some new luggage and I'm so easily swayed by an item in a store that glistens with spot lights and sparkles... I'd never think twice about what an airline could do to seemingly 'rape' a light colored bag.

Vicki said...

It may be dirty brown, but I bet you could spot it faster than all those black luggage lemmings!

This reminded me of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where the suitcase gets left on the stairs with rotting cheese in it. Both situations: hilarious :)

Kat said...

We have pink luggage. And it's filthy. Lots of black marks. BUT, like your beige luggage...it's quite easy to pick out amongst the sea of black luggage sets. Dirt and all.

Ashley said...

Procrastination always screws you somewhere down the line. Now I'm wondering who the Other Mother is.

Suzanne said...

Oh Ashley - the Other Mother is my mother-in-law who has lived with us for fourteen years!

- Suzanne

Suzanne said...

Oh Ashley - the Other Mother is my mother-in-law who has lived with us for fourteen years!

- Suzanne

Jen said...

Very funny story. I hate it when my plan get out of something back fire on me. Not fair! Like you blog. Shannon does great work, she designed ours too.

Jenni said...

First, why was it never considered that The Farmer might open his suitcase and dispose of smelly filthy clothing? Second, you are a good woman to live with you mother in law for 14 years! I love my mother in law, but I shudder to think!

Melanie said...

You are good and hey if he wore dirty smelly clothes it was, after all, HIS mothers fault.

-Bridget said...

I spent six years at 100% travel. There is a reason business travelers always use black. I used to see the bright shiny tan or pink luggage with a yarn pom pom tied on the top for easy identification (uh, you were the only one with pink tapestry luggage, lady) and just smile and envy the obvious occasional traveler.

As far as the dirty clothes, that was a wise plan. That's like putting leftoevers in tupperware only to find it in the back of your fridge a month later. I've lost many a tupperware container that way. I'd rather pay to replace the container than supress my gag reflex while opening and cleaning the thing.

-Bridget said...

Woa! I just read your comment about your MIL living with you for 14 years. There is a special place in heaven for you, St. Suzanne!

Amy said...

Hmm...see, I would have chunked the suitcase and told my husband they never found it. There is NO way! I never thought about not buying tan luggage..although, we arent big travelers..thanks for the tip! ;)

Rhea said...

They may change the name of that color from Sahara Sand to Sahara Shite. (sorry for the language!) I added an e on the end so it wouldn't be too bad.

Hilarious post!

Mrs. S said...

so funny..i hate the smell of dirty laundry after a trip

Karen said...

Oh dear. I love your sense of humour. What a funny post, gave me my morning chuckle. :-)

I'm about to buy some new luggage. I'm keeping my out for the most colourful, patterned stuff that i can find. That way, even my post-menopausal brain won't forget what it looks like. Right?

Karen said...

Ummm .. teach me not to proof read. 'I'm keeping my eye out' !!

Karen said...

You could always donate it or better yet put it in a garage sale and then go buy new.
I loved the Erma Bombeck quote!

Jessica said...

good thing we don't have luggage yet.

Cray and Bickford Family said...

This is great! I can'timagine my husband's dirtylaundry being stuck in a suitcase fora week...ewwww!

Jennifer said...

Oh that's too funny!

Tausha said...

when my hubby travels-i tell him that he is in charge of the bag. I will pack it for him-all nice and making sure that clothes are folded and matched in the suitcase.

He must take care of all the crappy smelling yucky clothes-wash, dry, iron if needed and put away-including the suit case that must be aired out.
Now-before you think I have him all trained-he still throws his socks on the floor-leaves toothpaste in the sink and his contact solution on the counter.
:)

Sherri said...

Congrats on being the featured blogger today!!! I love you blog and your music. I don't see anything wrong with this color of luggage. When you are waiting at the baggage drop at the airport you don't have to look at the tags on every black bag to see if it is yours.

Cristin said...

oh I'd buy beige luggage...it would never occur to me that it would be getting that filthy..
I'd also be way to lazy to clean it up...it would just get dirtier and dirtier until it was a nice shade of brown...

Debbie said...

I love that quote!
As for luggage, I'm looking at a new set. Or at least a new carry-on size since that's all the hubby does and the JCPenney blue set of 11 years ago is nearly worn out. But I will take it under advisement NOT to buy a cute, colorful set and get boring black.

At Home Redesigns said...

Ha! Dirty laundry hanging in the closet...no where to go but up.

Mommy Meryl said...

Loved your post!! Too funny!

Adrienne said...

I would have totally used the bbq tongs! :D hahah! I don't do my boyfriends work clothes! I refuse! lmao. Seriously though, those men get their clothes so dirty and smelly! lol
SITS
http://scrappin-a-rose.blogspot.com/

Adiel said...

I bought a pink and white duffle bag with wheels cos I thought it looked cute and convenient. I overlooked that fact that dirt shows up entirely too easy on the pink and white.
Lesson learned.

-Your SITSta Adiel

Kimberly said...

Sooo funny! My luggage is falling apart. I think I need some new stuff, but, I'll learn from your lesson...no "sahara sand!"

Nichole Jolene said...

that is the worst part of the trip eh? unloading stinkin clothes that i pack all the way home. i've learned my lesson and always try to stay where there is laundry facilities.

Missy said...

You blog is wonderful! The design, the content, the music..just everything! And no worries, I have the exact same color of luggage and it just looks "loved".
Can't wait to browse back to older posts.

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

This is so funny. Leaving the dirty clothes in the luggage reminds me of a "Everybody loves Raymond" episode. Ray and his wife are arguing about who will put a suitcase away, upstairs. They both leave it sitting at the foot of the stairs for sometime. Ray even puts some smelly cheese in the bag. Anyway.... it was funny, too.

Michelle said...

Very sneaky. My mom's the same way in wanting to do laundry. I still have her do my sweaters, and she begs to do the wee ones' laundry. It's a nice gene to have. I have to wonder if I'll do the same when my wee ones are grown.

And I love how they manage to find the one bit of luggage that someone doesn't want them to find.

Mamasphere said...

Our brand new red luggage didn't last longer than the first leg our of trip. Every single piece is now smeared with giant black grease stains, and I can't for the life of me get those babies out.

Because we spent so much to 'upgrade', my husband is making me keep them, and I secretly hope for lost luggage, too.

Julie said...

Well, at least it is easier to see your beige luggage amongst the sea of black luggage on the carousel.

Judy Haley said...

"a domestic environmental disaster waiting to happen" great line - that happens at chez coffeejitters all the time.

Sunshine said...

Oh my goooodness! Why didn't I think of the BBQ tools before? You are a genius. I too have dreaded (and cursed) the week old laundry simmering in my hubby's suitcase! Very LOL!
I'm stealing that Erma B. quote too. I'm gonna hang it above my kitchen sink.

Good stuff.

Happy SITS day!

Gina said...

Well, here is the UPside to your not black luggage- easier to spot on the conveyor!!!

Monogramchick said...

What is really funny is that this could be my story too! Thanks for making me laugh.

WheresMyAngels said...

I saw this pretty light green luggage at Penney's on sale, oh how my daughters wanted it for camp, but I knew it would soon be grey muddy brown, some color that was not the pretty lime green.

But I would of noticed it coming off the baggage area of an airport, if I ever flew.

Kristinia - Loving Heart Mommy

said...

Found you from SITS:

Your post is soo funny! I never think about luggage since I've never flown but that may all be changing if we move to Germany in December!