Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Stale Stories - Day Fifteen

The Farmer and I are on vacation. I would never want to leave you without something to read and therefore I'm offering you Stale Stories in my absense.

This is a story entitled "An Optimist with Sahara Sand Luggage". It originally published on April 10, 2008.

When we arrived at the airport on the first leg of our cruise vacation last year our neighbor Ted looked at us like we had three heads. Ted was a seasoned world traveler, circling the globe many times over in his career as an electronics engineer.

"Who buys beige luggage???" he asked.

I for one was lost for words. All I could muster up was, "An optimist".

It seemed like a good idea when we were standing in Target. Maybe they were using trick lights in the store. I see now they're referring to it as "Olive Green" me, it's beige.


The old black Wal-Mart set had given out and we felt we were moving-on-up in the world of luggage.

Two hours later in the Fort Lauderdale airport we retrieved our matched set of "Sahara Sand", which now looked more like "Back-Forty-Pasture". I avoided Ted's gaze as he chuckled knowingly under his breath....."Heh, heh, heh..."

After the cruise I grabbed a scrub brush and some wonder-spray-product sold on late-night TV. I sprayed, I scrubbed and soon the cases were looking fresh and renewed. The unfortunate truth is that each time we travel I'm slave to the luggage again.

So here we are again. The Farmer had returned from a week in South Carolina to find that the airlines had lost his luggage. Jimmy the taxi driver impatiently drove around the airport while the Farmer filled out the necessary paperwork. He was upset. I, on the other hand was thrilled!! Lost luggage! No scrubbing. Compensation for imaginary Armani suits! Hey, this could be a sign of good things to come. We could count on the airlines to lose that Sahara Sand matched piece at a time! And we could get a new wardrobe.

And then this.....


The prodigal case found it's way off flight 121 and found itself summarily dumped in our kitchen. Curses, foiled again.

This scene is much, much worse than it looks. It's a domestic environmental disaster waiting to happen. Think about it for a moment. A week's worth of your husband's dirty laundry, locked in a confined space for FIVE DAYS!! My mind could I avoid opening this thing? What could I find in the garage that would allow me to unpack the contents from a safe distance? Barbecue tongs?


No, I'd have to throw them in the trash afterwards. It was at this point that the solution came to me. It was Tuesday night. I was leaving early Wednesday morning. I would simply "forget" about the case and return on Thursday evening to find that the disaster had been dealt with. Why? Because The Other Mother would never miss an opportunity to do laundry. Moms are just like that. The Mother would do the same in this situation.

The plan worked. Well, almost.

For some bizarre reason the farmer had neatly folded his dirty clothes and placed them in the suitcase. For some equally bizarre reason The Other Mother believed that these neatly folded clothes were clean. And so they were hanging in his closet this morning! The dead giveaway was.....THE SMELL.

But all is well. I stayed away from home, "just long enough". Sometimes I live a very charmed life.

I don't however, feel lucky enough to open his underwear drawer!


Diva Kreszl said...

I have to tell you that when I buy luggage I pick out the brightest color I can always stands out on the luggage carousel. Black luggage just blends in with the hundreds of other bags!

Leslie T. said...

I confess that I love to do laundry. I would have been itching to get that bag open and dump the contents into the washing machine, where it would emerge, 20 minutes later, pristine and fresh and ready for a spin through the dryer. Of course I would also put a bar of lemony fresh soap into the luggage to remove the stinky odor.
I know, I am a sick woman. Laundry lights up my brain like a glass of wine lights up NORMAL people's brains. Heh. It comes from a childhood spent with a mother who loathed doing laundry. Once I made the discovery that I could do my laundry myself (and actually have clean clothes every day!), the little laundress in my head has been doing a happy jig ever since.
What can I say, I'm a Maytag salesman's dream.... :)

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