Wednesday, October 21, 2009

You Gotta Have Friends

Who sang that song anyway? I think it was Bette Midler.

Last night a group of my friends got together to celebrate the October birthdays. I was looking around the table, amazed at the diverse personalities and the fact that we all care and support each other. For me this is also true of my online friends, a terrific group of women that I would never had the chance to meet in "real" life.

I marvel at frienships but when I got home I started thinking about the Farmer, and men in general. Of course we all know that the sexes are wired differently and men are from Mars but my thoughts revolved around the fact that men don't appear to have friendships. They have buddies and casual friends but I can't think of two men who are in a friendship relationship that resembles the friendships that women experience.

It must just be that wiring thing, that men don't need that type of emotional support. I don't know. Maybe one of my readers is a psychologist and can explain this to me.

All I know is that I'm blessed beyond measure with great people in my life. My neighbor, known here in the blogosphere as the Queen Bee, is always there for me and so caring wise. I've just reconnected with my friend Jan, also known as Hooked on Sunflowers.

I was wondering, do you notice the same thing? Does your guy have real friends or does he have buddies? Now that I think about many men have best friends - their wives or significant other is their best friend. I know it's true in our case. I am the Farmer's best friend!

11 comments:

bv said...

i have thought and chatted about this alot. i have amazing friends. there are 7 that i grew up with -from grade school-and we are more than friends, we are all blood sisters. we are in our mid 60's. i have neighbors- we live in the country so a neighbor is several miles apart. we have each others back! and lots of others. i truely love them all. husbands all like each others company and have lots of fun but the need is not there. your spot on...we are their best friends. i just know that i would not have surived the last few years without GF's!! they are my treasures. it is said that you are lucky to have a true best friend...i am one lucky girl!
and that's my book about friends! bv...i think it was ethel mermen (sp?)

Black & White said...

Well some of my male friends tell me that deep down men are really constantly at war with each other on some sort of underlying subconcious level- survival of the fittest- competition thing- even the most docile of men has a spark of one upmanship in him deep down. Not sure if that theory is true or not...I love being a woman.

scmom (Barbara) said...

My husband has some very good friends -- guys he talks with. They have lunch, go to ball games. They do have serious conversations, but I don't think men depend emotionally on their friends. But what do I know? I'm a girl!

Maureen said...

You are spot on. If you compare a girls only night out versus a couples night out the whole vibe in the room is different. Women are so much deeper and talk about things that are going on in their lives (from relationships to pap smears) while men are usually talking about superficial things (like "the game"). I have one friend that I can talk to about anything. And I do mean anything.

American in Norway said...

Bjørn has a best friend...but it is nothing like the relationship with my Best friend...

lifeinredshoes said...

I'm glad you brought this up, my husband will never understand just how much my friends mean to me....never.
He has buddies, guys he works with, but if asked he would probably say that I was his best friend, at least I think so.
I have always said, that true freindship is God's way of compensating for all the other crap!

Kitty said...

I agree with scmom(Barbara)--women need emotional support from other women and men seem to get along without that from their men friends. My hubby and I are each other's best friends so neither of us tends to seek out support from other people. But, it is a special relationship that women have with each other. I'm meeting up with 5 of my girlfriends tonight for Canasta, food, and a bit of wine. It's always a hoot to see where the conversation will end up!

And, I think women know how to have more fun than men!

Anonymous said...

I do think that for most happily-married men, their wives are their best friends. My husband and I are best friends; each of us is in the center of the other's heart. Even my best, longest-loved female friend is only in the next circle from my heart. But she and I need each other for something we don't get from our husbands. Funny, huh?

And I think we need to remember that in that way, our husbands need us perhaps more than we need them: not more than we LOVE them. Men are simply more dependent on us than we are on them. We have, therefore, a special responsibility to love our husbands, and to be available to them when they need us. They don't have a best friend from third grade to call when we don't quite meet their needs!

Stuck on Sunflowers said...

I must totally agree with you on this. My husband and I are BFFs. We can talk to each other without speaking. We love each other very much and know each other's everything after 31 years of marriage. But girlfriends are so very important and so very special. I don't know how I could have survived so many difficult times in my life without my girlfriends. And now, I am SO VERY HAPPY to have you back in my life. You light up my life Suz!

Lisa D. said...

I think men make fewer deep connections with others. I agree with their wives being their best friends - the person they are most open and vulnerable with. But I know that for my husband, going golfing with his buddies or whatever they do together, is just as important and therapeutic to him as deep conversations with my girlfriends are for me. The guys don't need to talk, they just need to be together.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could make more of the kinds of friendships you are talking about. There just don't seem to be opportunities for this here. But I do find when I really connect with someone she is usually born in my birth sign.