Sunday, August 10, 2008

Stand by Your Man

We interrupt this regularly scheduled, non-controversial and very-vanilla blog for a mini-rant.

I'm really getting tired of long-suffering women who stand by their man. Please stop humiliating yourself further by standing in front of strangers and vowing your comittment to "make it work". That's Tim Gunn's phrase anyway and he'll sue you over trademark violations and you've got enough on your hands. And I'm not just talking about the latest revelation, I'm talking about all the "stand by your man" events in the last few years.

It doesn't fly anyway because your eyes look like a deer whose just been hit by a semi......terror, betrayal,'s all there for us to see. Stay at home, let him take his lumps. I've been there, done that, got the scars to prove it. (CLARIFICATION: The Farmer reads this blog and he'll be mortified if you think it's him. My first husband was the bad boy and I made sure that the second time around I found someone who had a code of ethics that he lived by....a hard-working an honorable man. That's my Farmer!)

So, can I please get at least one woman who throws his crap out the second-story window on the lawn?

I'll promise to help her shoot the tires out on his car and change the locks!!!

Will you come along? What are you going to do for her? Babysit her kids while she visits the lawyer?


P.S. Do you have money in your lingerie drawer? You know.....THAT MONEY.


woolanthropy said...

Amen, sister!

Marilyn said...

I could tell you stories of the times we rallied the hefty bags and mini vans to make a quick get away while "he" was at work...

Have you listened to the Martina McBride song Broken Wing?
It makes me cry every time.

Significant Snail said...

I agree - these guys weren't exactly standing by their women were they? There's no love, honor or respect in cheating. If these men were half the man they think they are, they would refuse to let their wives stand there with them when they confess to the media.

Louise said...

I am a mom of 4- and 6-year-old girls. One of my pet peeves (and why I don't go to playgroups) is that so many of the women do nothing but sit around and bash their husbands.

But my other pet peeve is when they stay in a horrible situation. I realize there are personality issues there, but I have a second husband, too. When the first got bad (and it wasn't even abusive--just completely messed up and unfaithful), I have him a little time to get his act together, and when he didn't, that was IT.

We choose how to live our lives. Period.

And yes, I'll babysit the kids for the lawyer visit. I was lucky I didn't have to worry about that when I did it.

JLynnette (Aunt Jo) said...

Sign me up!

I'll babysit the kids, drive her to the lawyer, loan her money, whip his butt, what ever she needs.

I've been there and done that. I burned his crap on the front lawn.

corine said...

agreed SO BOGUS! But they don't live in real life. They've chose a man in power and for these people (the husband AND the wives, it's all about appearances. In real life, they'd get to have a healthy tantrum and throw all their clothes out the window along with that big screen TV.

Karen said...

These people are usually people in power or so called celebrities. It's all about face-saving and appearance.

What really bugs me, is that there are often kids involved. They're the ones that I want to weep for.

And yes, I'll come along with you and help support her by babysitting the kids or whatever.

When I'd had it with the ex-hubby, I packed his stuff into a suitcase, called him at work and told him that I was bringing his case to him and that if he wasn't down there to pick it up, I'd call them and tell them that there was an unattended suitcase in their foyer. I was just so angry.

When I came over here, to the US, I ended up in another horrible situation. It was unexpected as I thought I knew him. I put him in jail.

I'll stand by my man in certain circumstances. However, if he cheats or hurts me, my kids or my grandkids, then I'm gone and he takes the consequences. I'm done as far as crap like that goes.

And I will support any woman that decides she's done as well.

PS.. I do have a good man in my life now :-)

chocolatechic said...


StitchinByTheLake said...

I'm with you! If you want to stand by him that's great - but do it at home. Not in front of the cameras - if he's really a man let him do that part alone. Blessings, marlene

Suzanne said...

Wool - I was hoping someone would say Amen.

Marilyn - I listened to Broken Wing. It's very evocative. I'm sorry you to had to go through that. It's terrible really.

S-Snail - I agree, it's half a man that let's his wife stand up on the stage and be further humiliated. She's in shock for sure.

Louise - I can't stand the husband bashing either. I witness it on some blogs and it's very disrespectful. I agree, these are choices that we make.

Aunt Jo - - You not only tossed it on the lawn you BURNED IT. Oh ARE a Xena, Warrior Princess, aren't you?

Corine - Oh yeah. Thankfully most of us are not in the public eye and we can behave a little more uncivilized (at times).

Karen - I too feel bad for the kids. I'm sorry you had to go through those experiences, but someone once said you have to love a bad man to recognized a good one. I'm so happy you've found a good man. I'm hoping that you can return home to N.Z., because after all it is home, and there's no place like home.

My Chocolatechic friend in pink - I know what you believe and how you raise your kids. The term "anything goes" does not apply. Anything does NOT go when it involves behavior that hurts lots of other people.

Marlene - I agree. He does the "crime", he should do the time and take the heat of humiliation....alone.

Unfortunately for me in my first marriage I had no clue about the "lingerie drawer bank". Anyway, I had no money to put in there. My longtime friend and neighbor let me in on the concept. She was married to an alcoholic and emotionally abusive man. She had money stashed in case things got too bad. Unfortunately she never used her escape route from the relationship and after many, many years of putting up with his behavior, HE LEFT HER!!! She was devastated and shocked. But she also made her decisions to stay, which she still regrets. I hope she used the "lingerie stash" to take a fabulous vacation for herself.

Heather said...

It's painful to watch. I'm in the opposite situation. I know women who treat their men like dirt. It's disheartening and I want the men to stand up and be MEN.

Suzanne said...

Yes Heather, I've seen this too and it's horrible. I want the men to stand up for themselves and the disrespectful women to be quiet.

Rue said...

Hi Suzanne.... fired up?? LOL

I agree completely. I have explained to every man I have dated or been married to that the will find their stuff out on they freakin' lawn if they so much as look in the direction of another woman. Only one man has listened to this and I'm married to him.

Everytime I see this on the news or in real life I want to smack them and say "WAKE UP!"

See... now you've got me riled!

BTW, Sorry about the storms that came through your area.


Dejoni said...

Amen! Been there and done that with the first too. Second knew ahead of time that I wouldn't take no crap and if he dished it out he best sleep with one eye open.
Why do women degrade themselves? Do they think they aren't worth it.
My motto is "I alone am enough." I don't need a man to make me happy. It's just an added bonus.

Simple Answer said...

It's an interesting dilemma when you are raising girls. How do you instill in them the 'shoot out the tires' attitude while all these wives plaster on a smile and act like its all okay, not a hurt in the world.

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Politics make strange bedfellows.

With all credit due to Abe Lincoln (I think) for the above sentiment, he was not referring to who the politician might be sleeping with, unless it was another candidate, and it was for purely practical reasons like lack of bed space.

I'm ashamed of Bill and Hillary. I'm embarrassed for Elizabeth Edwards.

Whether it's an affair, an addiction, or any form of disrespect Mr. I Do needs to be reminded of his vows. Or dismissed. Been there, done that, and am the wiser for it, I hope.

Vee ~ A Haven for Vee said...

Double amen! We devote too much energy to these turkeys and for what? FOR WHAT? N.O.T.H.I.N.G. I know that it was my own stupid fault, but I'd like to have about 25 years of my life back. (Oh, the carpenter would be mortified if he thought that I was talking about him, too. ROFL!)

GemStateMom said...

Amen...and what scares me is we have more and more of these sorts of 'men' in power. If they are willing to betray their wives and conveniently 'forget' something as sacred as their marriage vows, what are they willing to do in terms of their political office and duties?

Ugh. It's enough to make one either rant at the whole sorry mess, or become a very jaded cynic....or both.

Here is to all the real MEN - honorable, honest, devoted, trustworthy -- and to the women who are blessed to be their wives.

BittersweetPunkin said...

I totally AGREE! What else needs to be said?

Anonymous said...

Funny, as I clicked on the link to post a comment I was thinking to myself, "Amen, sister" and that was the first comment I read.
We are all on the same page ladies.
The talking heads on TV wondered why women weren't more fully behind Hillary but we know that as much as we want a woman in the White House she did more to set the progress of women back than any one who comes to mind at the moment. If we don't get past this 'Stand by your man, and boys will be boys' mentality. It's just not going to change.
If a man doesn't have enough self control to keep his pants zipped I don't want him running the country.

Anonymous said...

I will certainly help you drive the get away car or whatever is necessary. I have a great husband, but will certainly help sisters in trouble.

I'll drive up the road and help you on your mission.

Mary also at 9 miles from nowhere

Ann said...

Yes, I completely agree.
And I will help. I will do the babysitting, the hand-holding, cooking, cleaning WHATEVER it takes to help these women know that they don't have to stand there and take this.
How do we let them know we are here for them, for us?


lifeinredshoes said...

I'll supply the chocolate...and pitch in for therapy.

TSannie said...

Amen, too!