Thursday, March 12, 2009

Being Kind to Ourselves and Getting Real

Can spring be just around the corner? I hope so, in fact I dug this photo out of my archives in hope that it will arrive soon.


We need to strive to be kinder to ourselves and to ask for help and in some cases, understanding. Earlier this week Vee asked about the upcoming dinner party I was hosting for 20 people. It was scheduled for this weekend and since I was feeling better I went ahead with the plans. I skipped a get together on Monday night in an attempt to garner some additional rest.

This morning my neighbor called and said, "Are you SURE about the dinner?"

You know those moments in life, when all defenses melt away and in one moment we feel it's OK be vulnerable. I felt like crying because after days of feeling stronger I was slammed back.

"No," I told her. "I think I'm going to admit that it's not going to happen this weekend."

"And it's OK," she offered.

"Yes, it is."

With that I took a hot bath and climbed into bed, falling asleep and sweating profusely while I dreamt that another neighbor was burning down their house for the insurance money!

It feels good to say, "I can't..... I shouldn't..... I won't." Although I will admit that it is difficult to need keep pushing myself.

And you? Do you find it difficult to surrender to the truth, to the reality of a situation? Sometimes it feels like failure when sometimes it's actually a triumph.


Jill said...

I sometimes find it difficult to admit when I'm tired, overworked, and not up to fulfilling my commitments. It's then that I push myself into sheer exhaustion and then can't enjoy what I've done because I'm either upset with myself, or too pooped.

Feel better Suzanne! Enjoy a nice quiet weekend with the farmer.

Anonymous said...

Yes, when Hubby or I have to crawl back into bed and just give ourselves up to an illness, the other picks up and takes over. But in the case of a dinner you can bet we would just cancel it altogether. Our household went through what sounds very similar to this gunk you have and it took him 2 weeks to recover and then it was my turn and it took me 2 weeks as well. Just stay in bed when you need to it's the only way to get over this bug.

Take care... we're all thinking of you!
The Blue Ridge Gal

chocolatechic said...


I always feel like I'm letting someone down.

Feel better hon.

Heidi said...

Been there my dear... take care of yourself and get the rest you need... I am thinking about you and wishing I could make you some soup and bring over, but over is about 400 miles... :)I would problably eat the soup before I got there...

Significant Snail said...

Yes, I have been that way myself. I find that as I'm getting older I am learning to say no more and to not push myself to rediculous levels. And it IS ok!

belladella said...

This is a good message, a good reminder. It's so hard to say no, so hard to take care of ourselves. You keep resting and feeling better.

Thirkellgirl said...

You had a post awhile back where you said something along the lines of winter not being a good time for someone with an autoimmune disease to take on Projects. That was such an eye-opener to me. I realized I'd been fighting how lousy I'd been feeling for sooo long and I was just Tired. (And then I went to the doctor and didn't mince any words about *how lousy I felt, and turns out there was something *really wrong, and now I'm resting and recovering. So, your post really saved me). I thought it was just winter and middle-age and the basement do-over, and, and, and. You get yourself as much rest as you need, and put yourself first. How does the Other Mother fit into your recuperation, if I may ask?

Vee said...

First of all, I'm sorry that you've had a relapse, Suzanne. That said, I'm so glad that you are postponing the dinner party. I shudder to think what kind of a relapse you might have had trying to pull that off. Your friends will understand. When it happens, and it will, you'll have been perfectly able to do it.

There is such a spirit of heaviness over the country and the world. Our President is young and his immaturity is showing. We pray daily for his wisdom and the wisdom of the leaders of the world. We are so interconnected and what happens here affects everyone. Then, too, we pray for courage. Courage to face just what you've said...the truth. The truth does set us free.

It's important to remember that there is a plan and that the Lord is still in control.

Take care, Suzanne. You and your health are on the Vee list today!

Lucy said...

Sometimes we have to take care of our own self first. Frustrating, isn't it. Or deliciously joyful!

Wanita said...

Postponing the dinner party was definitely the best thing to do. As women, I think we often push ourselves when it comes to meeting the needs of others and forget that we sometimes need to slow down and rest. And it's OK to do that.


Anonymous said...

It is so hard to admit to our vulnerabilities. Congratulations on being able to handle it. I had the 'flu' this winter too and it took me a looong 2+ weeks to start to feel better. Snuggle up with a cuppa your favorite beverage and a good book/blog.

StitchinByTheLake said...

I find I'm the worst about this when it comes to church. When I'm feeling bad, exhausted, worn out I'm still pushing myself to go to church because I think I should. But when I'm there I can't worship for thinking about how bad I feel. I know God doesn't want me to do that - and yet I do it anyway (I sound like Paul!). I'm gradually learning to give myself permission to say no and to stay home and to be glad I did. Age helps. :) blessings, marlene

Rue said...

Suzanne! I thought you sounded awful perky in the last few posts for someone that is too sick to be doing anything! Get back in bed young lady and STAY there! We'll be here when you get back :)

BTW, I loved the pictures of the cathedral. It really is incredible.

Now back to bed!


lifeinredshoes said...

Suzanne, you have so much more at stake here than just a dinner party. You have to think about your battle with lupus and the years ahead.
There will always be another get together, now is the time to care for yourself, and the future. You have a weeding and grandbabies, and photo's and this blog thing to look forward to!
Take the time you need to get back on your feet, we love you.

Paula B. - GemStateMom said...

The Farmer's Wife strikes a victory for sanity! Yay Suzanne!

I am one of the worst, but am trying to learn not to over commit.

That said, sometimes a looming commitment is the right sort of 'kick in the pants' that I require to get my act together and get productive instead of spinning my wheels.

I guess at times it can be more of a 'mental morass' than a physical/illness/exhaustion thing. In those times, the pressure often causes me to rise to the occasion, and I reap the dividends of a renewed spirit afterwards.

Nothing breeds energy like completing a goal or commitment!

Lynn said...

I appreciate your thoughts here. And I LOVE that picture. I want to walk right through and sit down. :)


Louise said...

I know EXACTLY how that feels. Twice already this year I've surrendered. The last time I felt a bit guilty, but the point it that I am not a person who flakes out on things. (And neither are you.) So if we do it sometimes, it's because it's necessary. We might never get well if we don't skip something and take a break--be it only an afternoon--once in a while!

Jody Blue said...

That Vee is wise!