Tuesday, July 28, 2009

In Order of Importance

important (im port nt) <strong>adj. 1. meaning a great deal; having much significance or value 2. having, or acting as if having, power, authority, etc.

Continuing our discussion of weddings, do you remember people telling you it was the most important day of your life?

Bride and groom in Miami.

I've found that rarely, if ever, do the days that are declared by all to be most important, actually hold that place in my heart.

Quiet moments, just being together.

Important days are as personal as fingerprints and don't always have a positive and happy aspect.

For some women the most important day is not the day the stood in front of the preacher and said "I do", but the day that they grab their kids and flee with nothing but the clothes on their backs.

For some it's the moment they take responsibility for their lives, putting down that drink or that drug for the last time.

Important moments are usually quiet moments, not shared with rooms full of people. Perhaps a moment with your child when you realize your life will never, ever be the same. Maybe it's the instant you step out of denial.

Me, with mom and dad, 1948

The most important day changes over time. The things we thought were important when we're 19 seem silly when we're 64.

Isn't every day important? I believe it is. Even the most mundane has the power to shape us. We cannot know the effects of even the smallest decision, and as several of my friends have discovered, our lives can change forever in the blink of an eye.

Liz & Tony's daughter was killed by a wreckless driver. Diane and Jimmy lost their beloved Linz.

Looking back, the single most important day of my life is the day when I fell apart. Literally. In the old days it was called a nervous breakdown. Humpty Dumpty, in a million pieces on the floor.

Humpty Dumpty falls.

Why would I deem such a horrible day the most important? Because that total collapse forced me to examine those pieces to see where I'd gone wrong. I allowed me to build myself from square one, discovering who I really was, not who my friends or my mother or society wanted me to be.

Finding myself and getting real with the truth was the most important thing I've ever done because it allowed me to truly be there for others.

My children.

My Farmer.

My friends.

You know, all those important people.

Do you have a watershed moment you'd like to share?


StitchinByTheLake said...

I'm not sure there is one watershed moment in my life Suzanne but I can recall several moments when I thought I wanted to capture that time in my life and never forget it. I guess the typical wedding, births, etc. are important but they are not nearly as important as the connecting moments. The moment I heard my Dad say "I hear beautiful music" just before he left with the angels singing that music. The moment my Mom saw Daddy when he came back to get her and she asked him, "Where is Jesus?" The times my children say, "thank you Mama" for whatever because in their own parenthood they recognize the value of their own parents. The moments when my husband looks into my eyes and says, "let's....go to a movie." or whatever. Because it's the whatevers that we do together that are the connecting moments...the watershed moments. blessings, marlene

Farmchick said...

The older I get I think it is those moments that are the hardest in life that define things for me. Not just one watershed moment, although I had one I might call that a few years ago that changed many things for me. Now you've really got me thinking this morning!

I have a friend who always says that this day is important because she is giving up a day of her life for it.

martina said...

The early morning when the coroner came to my door and said my Dad had died in a car accident. It was awful. I was a 20 something Daddy's girl and leaned on him far more than I should have. It was a moment of growing up and being responsible. He'd be proud of the person I've become.
When I was called into boss's office. A coworker had gotten together with bosses and they bought me a long wanted standard poodle puppy. I thought I'd screwed up at work, but here was this little puppy-for me! The puppy is now 12 years old and is a wonderful companion.

Marfa (formula for a life) said...

One of those days for me was when I was ten years old and walked out of my house in Cuba and never walked back into it again. Then a couple of days later when, in the middle of the night, I was placed in a boat with my dad and I left the country where I was born, along with most of my family, never to see either again.

The day that I decided to start my blog and be very open with the world about my food addiction and what I'm doing to lose the weight and carve out a life for myself.

bv said...

this is almost to big for me to comment. two events changed me at my very core. both were devasting but changed my entire-everything about it- life for the better. i became a better person. suzanne, you always give me something to ponder for the rest of the day.
i just looked at the 'joy' video. how would anyone find that offensive? sad they they can not see the joy. sad lifes.

BellaDella said...

I don't have one day to share but I agree that the big things happen in the quiet moments- the often labeled mundane. You definitely have me thinking today- or rather maybe paying attention. Thank you.

Vee said...

Thought-provoking post, Suzanne. I'm now pondering what might be the most important day of my life...I think I've figured it out, and you're right, it has nothing to do with wedding days.

lifeinredshoes said...

There have been several, in fact I had one yesterday.
I cried until 3:00 this morning.
As my Granny would say, " this too shall pass."

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Not a moment, but a year... the year I turned 40 years old and chose to make numerous positive changes in my life... #1 being that I threw out my cigarettes and vowed never to smoke again. That was October 28th, 1994. My daughter still sends me a congratulations card every year on that date.

The Blue Ridge Gal

Susan said...

Yes, Suzanne, you having me thinking and pondering today. I can't get your posting out of my head. And, I thank you....

Anonymous said...

Just as I left my house to give birth I knew my life would never be the same and I was scared. Then when my last child left home I wanted their childhood to come back I wasn't ready, I wanted it all back. When my Father died I knew all that I had hoped for in our relationship now wouldn't be but we knew we loved each other even as we were.

seanymph said...

For me it was when my son almost died and then 6months later, I wanted to. That scared me and made me change my life for him and me. And so I left the marriage of 30yrs to find me. And while life will always be stressful, I can honestly say Im finally happy.

Louise said...

Terrific pictures. (You look like your mom.)

I have to applaud you for falling apart and picking up the pieces. So many don't know how. You are younger than my parents, but close enough to be in the same generation. That generation denies, doesn't pick up pieces. My mom fell apart and never got back together. She held it together for so long that when she cracked, there were not the pieces left to pick up. She still wasn't willing to face it all, and her peers were not supportive, but told her to get over it. She died from that process. Nothing else. Just that. I don't blame her; she had no upbringing, and she protected her children from all the demons in her from her mom that were never exorcised. But I wish she'd have handled it like you. She was cut out to live a long, LONG time, but didn't. Your kids and your farmer are lucky.

The best days of my life are quiet ones with family. Sometimes just the kids and me and sometimes all of us. Since we moved here and I'm a stay-at-home mom, there are more than there used to be. Often I'm with my girls and just overwhelmed with the happiness of my fortunate life.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

Wow! This makes me want to just go off and ponder. Thanks. C

Jody Blue said...

In the middle of one.

Kitty said...

I've been mulling over your post and all the comments and I, too, realize that the "big moments" in our lives are not really the most meaningful sometimes. My wedding was a beautiful moment but there have been many other so-called "lesser things" that have been defining moments in my life; some good, some not so good. But the fact that you weave these points in time together and make your life what it is, is the important part. We're all made up of good and bad experiences. Hopefully we can learn from both and move ahead with wisdom and the desire to keep growing into ourselves.

Chris said...

What a wonderful post Suzanne!

For me, it was the day I was diagnosed with cancer. That day, I discovered that I had courage, previously unknown to me & in my heart I truly believed that God could see me through anything!

My life is forever changed!

Rue said...

Let's see....

-The day I told my mom that I was pregnant and that I would not be getting an abortion. I was 19 and unmarried.

-The day I went online and saw Rich's picture for the first time.

-The day I told my mom we were moving to Ohio.

These 3 stick out the most, because those events changed the course of my life for the better.